Funny Fish Puns and Jokes To Crack Your Ribs: There’s nothing fishy about these jokes about fish! for a good game night with friends. From Bass to Zebra Fish.
Do you try to think of good fish puns, but just flounder? Well, the bait is over. We have the best collection of funny fish questions and answers joke, hilarious fish jokes for kids, fish one liners and fish puns joke right here. Safe for kids, funny for anyone!
Two fish swam into a concrete wall, one turns to the other and says “Dam!”
There was a massive fight today at the fish restaurant. One fish got battered!
Yesterday I had a cup of coffee with a penguin. He said he would have preferred a fish.
Two fish are in a tank, one turns to the other and says “How do you drive this thing?”
There was a sale today at the fish market, so I went to see what the catch was.
Q: Why do fish live in saltwater?
A: Because pepper makes them sneeze.
Q: What do fish do at football games?
A: They wave.
Q: What does a fish do in a crisis?
A: Sea-kelp.
Q: What do you call a crayfish with a messy room?
A: A slobster
Q: What do fish use for money?
A: Sand dollars!
Q: What did the fish dating guru say to the hopeful sea bass?
A: “If you’re going for roe-mance, you’ll want to consider the caviar.”
Q: How much money does Gill Gates have?
A: About a gillion dollars.
Q: Why aren’t there every any job openings at the fish company?
A: They’ve been scaling back.
Q: What did one fatty tuna say to the other?
A: “We’re in this together, toro and toro.”
Q: What does the telephone solicitor fish say when the person they’re calling picks up?
A: “Cod I have a moment of your time?”
Q: What do you call a singing fish?
A: A tuna.
Q: Which fish is the biggest tool?
A: A hammerhead shark.
Q: What kind of horse can swim underwater without coming up for air?
A: A seahorse
Q: What do you get when you cross a banker with a hammerhead?
A: A Loan shark!
Q: What do British sea monsters eat?
A: Fish & ships.
Q: What kind of fish do lion fish chase the most?
A: Zebra Fish!
Q: What birthday party game do fish like to play?
A: Salmon Says.
Q: Why don’t fish do well on school tests?
A: Because they work below C-Level.
Q: Why did the squid cross the road?
A: To get to the other tide.
Q: Why are fish so well educated?
A: They swim in schools!
Q: Where does a fish keep his money
A: In the River Bank!
Q: How do fish know their weight?
A: They have scales.
Q: Where do you weigh whales?
A: At the whale-weigh station!
Q: What is the difference between a piano and a fish?
A: You can tune a piano but you can’t tuna fish.
Q: Why do oysters go to the gym?
A: It’s good for the mussel.
Q: Who held the baby octopus for ransome?
A: Squidnappers!
Q: What do you call a fish that has two knees?
A: A tunee fish.
Q: What did the magician say to the fisherman?
A: Pick a cod, any cod!
Q: How many tickles does it take to make an octopus laugh?
A: Tentacles.
Q: How did the seahorse move so quickly?
A: He scalloped
Q: What kind of food do they serve in saunas?
A: Steamed mussels.
Q: What was the name of the fish that destroyed Japan?
A: Codzilla.
Q: Who keeps the ocean clean?
A: Mermaids
Q: Did you know that sharks can also squirt ink?
A: Just Squidding!
Q: Where do teachers send fish who misbehave?
A: To the Offish
Q: What was the Russia Tsar’s favorite type of fish?
A: Tsardines!
Q: What is the best way to get in touch with a fish?
A: Drop it a line
Q: What is the most valuable type of fish?
A: A goldfish
Q: Why did the fish go to Hollywood?
A: He wanted to be a starfish!
Q: Where do fish sleep?
A: On a water bed.
Q: What do you call a fish with no eye?
A: Fssshh
Q: Where do bass wash up?
A: A river basin!
Q: What kind of fish chase mice?
A: Catfish.
Q: What fish only swims at night?
A: A starfish!
Q: What do you call a fish in a tuxedo?
A: Very soFISHticated
Q: Which fish work in hospitals?
A: Sturgeons
Q: Why do fish companies never work?
A: They always have to scale back.
Q: Why do fish not go to war
A: Because they are paci-fish-ts.
Q: What did the fish say when everyone left his party?
A: Tanks for coming!
Q: What type of music is best to listen to while fishing?
A: Something catchy!
Q: Why do fish always lose their court cases?
A: They are always gill-ty.
Q: Why can’t fish have romantic relationships?
A: They are scared of intima-sea.
Q: Why are fish so lucky?
A: They seize every oppor-tuna-ty.
Q: What did Dorothy the fish say?
A: There’s no plaice like home.
Q: Where do fish store their money?
A: In a river bank.
Q: Why did the fish start a charity?
A: He was reely good at findraising.
Q: Why don’t fish go into business together
A: They are always sole traders.
Q: What makes fish terrible journalists?
A: They always spread hake news.
Q: What did the fish take to work?
A: A b-reef-case.
Q: What’s the laziest fish in the world?
A: A Kipper.
Q: Why did the shopkeeper through the clams out?
A: They were past their shell-by-date.
Q: Why will fish never take responsibility?
A: Because it’s always salmon else’s fault.
Q: What type of instrument do fish love to play?
A: A bass drum.
Q: Why should you never fight an octopus?
A: Because he’s too well armed.
Q: What did the fish say when his relationship started to flounder?
A: Halibut we chat about it?
Q: What does a fish wear to keep warm?
A: A shoal!
Q: Why is a fisherman so stingy?
A: Because his work made him sell-fish.
Q: What did the romantic fisherman want?
A: A gill-friend.
Q: Why are fish so smart?
A: They live in schools.
Q: Why did the fish blush?
A: Because the sea-weed!
Q: Who do fish pray to?
A: Cod Almighty.
Q: What fish travels 100 mph?
A: A motor pike.
Q: Where did Noah keep all of the fish?
A: In the multi-story carp ark.
Q: Did you hear about the fight in that restaurant?
A: Four fish were battered!
Q: Which fish go to heaven?
A: Angelfish.
Q: Where do sick fish go?
A: To see a sturgeon.
Q: Why did the little boy not eat his sushi?
A: Because it looked too fishy.
Q: What did a shark eat with its peanut butter sandwich?
A: A jellyfish.
Q: Why did the fish get bad grades?
A: Because it was below sea level.
Q: What kind of music should you listen to while fishing?
A: Something with a good tune-a!
Q: How do shellfish get to the hospital?
A: In a clambulance.
Q: What did the shark say after eating a clownfish?
Q: What do whales have for dinner?
A: They eat fish and ships.
Q: What does every fisherman want?
A: A gillfriend.
Q: What do you call a fish with two legs?
A: A two-knee fish.
Q: How did the oyster manage to hide from the fish?
A: Clamouflage!
Q: What was the humpback’s favorite TV show?
A: Whale of fortune!
Q: Why don’t fish play tennis?
A: Because there afraid of the net.
Q: What does the pope eat during lent?
A: Holy mackerel!
Q: How do you keep a fish from smelling?
A: plug it’s nose.
Q: What do you call a smelly fish?
A: A stink ray.
Q: What did one fish say to the other?
A: Keep your mouth shut and you won’t get caught.
Q: Why are fish so easy to weigh?
A: Because they have their own scales.
Q: A little fish walks into a bar. The bartender asks the fish “What can I get you?”
A: The little fish replies (gasping) “Water! I need water!”
Q: Where do fishermen go to get their hair cut?
A: The bobber shop.
Q: How do you talk to a fish?
A: You drop it a line.
Q: Two fish swam into a concrete wall.
A: One turns to the other and says “Dam!”
Q: There was a massive fight today at the fish restaurant.
A: One fish got battered!
Q: Where does a fish keep its money?
A: A riverbank.
Q: What do you call a fish that won’t shut up?
A: A big-mouthed bass.
Q: Why are fish cleverer than people?
A: Ever see a fish spend a fortune trying to catch a human?
Q: Two parrots are sitting on a perch.
A: One bird asks the other one “Does something smell a little fishy to you?”
Q: Two fish are in a tank, one turns to the other and says…
A: “How do you drive this thing?”
Q: I have always admired fishermen.
A: They are reel men.
Q: What do you call a fish with lots of money?
A: A goldfish.
Q: Why did the dog jump from the boat into the ocean?
A: He thought he saw a catfish.
Q: What type of music should you listen to whilst fishing?
A: Something catchy.
Q: What did the trout detective say?
A: There’s something fishy going on here.
Q: How did the mollusk get into college?
A: On a scallopship.
Q: What kind of guitar do fish play?
A: Bass
Q: Where do women fish keep their money?
A: In their octopurse.
Q: Did you hear about the crab that went to the gym?
A: He pulled a muscle
Q: What do you get if you cross a pastor with a guppie?
A: Monkfish!
Q: Why did the fish blush?
A: Because it saw the ocean’s bottom.
Q: What’s the fastest fish in the lake?
A: A motor-Pike.
Q: What’s the difference between a piano and a fish?
A: You can tune a piano but you can’t tuna fish!
Q: What is the easiest way to catch a fish?
A: Have someone throw it to you.
Q: There was a sale today at the fish market.
A: I went to see what the catch was.
Q: What do fish take to stay healthy?
A: Vitamin Sea.
Q: I made some fish tacos last night.
A: They just swam right past them.
Q: What is the most famous fish you can catch?
A: A starfish.
Q: What day of the week do all fish dislike the most?
A: Fryday.
Q: What do you call a fish that practices medicine?
A: A Sturgeon.
Q: Why do fish swim in schools?
A: Because they can’t walk.
Q: Why didn’t Noah do much fishing on the ark?
A: He only had two worms.
Q: Where do you find a fish in orbit?
A: Trouter space.
Q: What do you call a fish with no eyes?
A: Fsh.
Q: Where do fish go to borrow money?
A: A loan-shark.
Q: Why is fishing such good business?
A: The net profits.
Q: What kind of fish eats mice?
A: A catfish.
Q: What do you get if you cross a fishing rod with a P.E sock?
A: A hook, line, and stinker!
Q: Which country do fish like to go for a vacation?
A: Finland.
Q: Why did Batman and Robin quit going fishing together?
Q: What do you call a lazy Crawfish?
A: A slobster.
Q: I am alive without breath and cold as death. I am never thirsty but always drinking. What am I?
A: Fish.
Q: What do sea monsters eat for lunch?
A: Fish and ships.
Q: What do you get when you cross a fish with an elephant?
A: Swimming trunks.
Q: What is a pirate’s favorite fish?
A: A swordfish.
Q: What do you call a rich fish?
A: Goldfish.
Q: Where do fish keep their money?
A: In the river bank.
Q: Why do fish live in salt water?
A: Because pepper makes them sneeze!
Q: Why did the scuba divers start laughing when they got near the coral reefs?
A: They saw a clownfish.
Q: What do you call a dog underwater?
A: A Scooby diver.
Q: Why shouldn’t you ask a fish vendor for help?
A: Because they’re selfish.
Q: What do you call hunting for fish in Chernobyl?
A: Nuclear fishin’.
Q: What’s the fish that makes this sound “ shhhhhhhhhhhhh” ?
A: The fried fish.
Q: What do you call a man and a woman who own a fishing store?
A: Rod and Annette.
Q: What do you call a fish that is not smart?
A: A dumb bass.
Q: I met a fish from the future and asked him what his favorite genre of music was. He answered:
A: “Future Bass.”
Q: The only thing I can take seriously in the newspapers nowadays is fish and chips…
A: And even that I take with a pinch of salt.
Q: My child will not eat fish, what can I replace it with?
A: A cat. Cats love fish.
Q: What did the fish 🐟 get on his math test?
A: A sea plus.
Q: I’m sorry for all the fish puns.
A: I feel so GILL-ty.
Q: I have a fish that can breakdance!
A: Only for 20 seconds though, and only once.
Q: Why are dolphins so smart?
A: Because within three hours they can train a human to stand at the edge of the pool and feed them fish!
Q: What game show do fish love the most?
A: Name that tuna!
Q: Did you hear about the evil tuna?
A: He was rotten to the albacore.
Q: How do fish go into business?
A: They start on a small scale!
Q: How do you make a goldfish old?
A: You take away the “g.”
Q: Who granted the fish’s wish?
A: The fairy cod mother!
Q: What did the goldfish say when he got fed?
A: “Tank poo.”
Q: How do you make a goldfish age?
A: Take out the “g” and “fish.”
Q: What do you call a group of singing fish?
A: A choral reef.
Q: What’s weirder than seeing a cat fish?
A: Watching a goldfish bowl.
Q: Did you hear about the goldfish that went bankrupt?
A: Now he’s a bronze fish.
Q: What did the tunafish sandwich who woke up in Oz say?
A: “I’ve got a feeling we’re not in cans-us anymore.”
Q: What did the fish artist say to the art curator about his latest piece?
A: “Hey, would you mind letting minnow what you think about this one?”
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Fish.
Fish who?
Fish you a Merry Christmas, we fish you a Merry Christmas!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Fish.
Fish who?
Bless you!
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Artie Fish.
Artie Fish who?
Artie Fish-el Intelligence.
Knock, knock.
Who’s there?
Fish.
Fish who?
Fish-ious temper you have there, you need to calm down!